Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
