I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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