Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
