R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
