i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
