i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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