What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
