You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
