Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
only you would photoshop your dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
