He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
