I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
