Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
