Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
