I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
