I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will be naked everywhere
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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