Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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