is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
