There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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