I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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