You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
