with your own penis?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
