C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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