she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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