this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
