i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
