i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
