I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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