Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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