Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
