Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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