Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
