I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
