i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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