Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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