I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
