She is in my trunk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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