The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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