so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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