Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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