i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
