Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
