a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
