You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
