Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
