Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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