just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
