I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
