okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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