i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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