some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
