My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
