mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
