that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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