So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
